


Geronimo!

by calerine



Category: Arashi (Band), Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, Epic Fail, Filmmaking, Gen, Humor, Tea, Time Travel, Timey-Wimey, biscuits - Freeform, nino is a fanboy in denial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-02
Updated: 2012-01-02
Packaged: 2017-10-28 17:24:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/310269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calerine/pseuds/calerine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nino and Aiba make a Doctor Who film. During which, Sho is a long-suffering flatmate + unsuspecting victim of door signs. Jun is Nino's sort-of arch enemy. Oh, and Ohno works in a combini.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Geronimo!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mynamelessname](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mynamelessname/gifts).



**PROLOGUE  
SCENE I**

  
Nino’s YouTube channel has a regular audience of 258.

139 of the 258 were brought to his channel by that video he made two years ago. It depicts one masterfully executed backflip during Sho and Yoko’s graduation ceremony. Nino, on duty for the Film Club, had had his camera scanning the crowd for Demented Monkey behaviour. Well, let’s just say Sho’s sudden acquisition of acrobatic talent had been equal parts hilarious and foolhardy. (Needless to say, he had brought his stunt assistants down with him - all six of them.) Since then, the video has been ripped by various members of its audience and redistributed with the title “JAPANESE MAN FAILS (VERY VERY FUNNY!)”

98 of the remaining 119 are made up of teenage girls ranging from ages 11 to 14. This particular demographic makes up most of the comments on Nino’s videos. Common examples are “yOu ArE VRy KaWaii DeSu ^_____^ vvvvv”, “I LoVE EuuUU!!11!!!!” and other compliments on his chin mole.

Out of the 21 subscribers left, only 16 are people genuinely interested in his short films.

The rest are made up of Sho (now his flatmate) and Yoko from high school, Aiba (his deranged film partner), Kazue and his mother.

Nino knows for sure that his next short film will be his biggest yet.

 

 **“Did you come out of the crack in my wall?”**

Unsurprisingly, Sho was the one who put up the advertisement. ( _WANTED – a mellow, easy-going housemate for a flat share. Able to put up with nocturnal habits, mindful of personal space and privacy. Enquire at sakuraisho82@keio.jp.co or drop by from 7pm to 11pm on any weekday._ )

Surprisingly (for Sho, not Nino), Nino was the one who answered, turning up at Sho’s doorstep just a little past midnight on a Friday night. They had lost contact about a year after Sho had graduated after all. (Well, Sho _had_ lost contact with the majority of his friends after his phone had fallen into a canal but.)

Nino brought only a green tote bag and a battered guiter. He grinned as Sho’s expressions took a leisurely cruise from startled, pleasantly surprised to finally, understanding.

“You forgot to mention your obsessive compulsive mother-henning tendencies,” Nino commented, purposely loud. He shoved a crumpled flyer at Sho and lugged his minimal belongings over the threshold with an air of deliberate nonchalance and a considerable amount of badly hidden contentment.

 

 **SCENE II**

  
Nino’s Film Idea of Supreme Paramountcy strikes him when he is busy procrastinating on his Hitchcock essay.

One moment, he has his feet up on his desk, wriggling his toes in time to the soundtrack for Strangers on A Train. Then, his eyes linger on his mini-screwdriver. (Sho had left it lying around the flat anyway. Finders keepers.)

The next moment, he finds himself wondering how much a life-sized TARDIS would cost. (And whether he could possibly afford one if he ate milk buns for the rest of the month.)

 

 **SCENE III**

Well, Nino does like Doctor Who. But, _psht_. Not _that_ much.

Not enough to treat a meal of fish fingers and custard like equal parts feast and an experiment. Not enough to scour nearly half of Tokyo looking for said fish fingers and custard. Not enough to then turn the Internet inside-out looking for the most reliable recipe to cook said fish fingers and custard. Not enough to time the cooking down to the millisecond and then take almost three hours to slowly savour the crunch of fish fingers against his tongue and cold custard sliding down his throat.

(Although, towards the end, there had hardly been any crunch left. Only maybe an overwhelming feeling of Fish and overall sogginess.)

No, Nino? Eccentric filmmaker, yes. Fanboy? _Psht_ , n-no! Of course _not_. What would make you even think that?

He doesn’t even like Doctor Who enough to write fanfiction (which he did when he was into _Battlestar Galactica)_. So what makes you think he would _ever_ be struck with the idea of making a Doctor Who film for his second year assessment?

 

 **ACT I**

 **SCENE I**

  
Nino decides to make a Doctor Who film.

It’s not a direct breach of the copyright laws per se. Okay, if you insist on putting it that way, it does break one or two (or fifty-six different) laws.

But Nino reckons what with the proliferation British-Japanese media being usually and mostly one-way, no one vaguely important will be coming into viewership. Inohara-sensei wouldn’t even mind; he’d probably want have a part or something. Nino could make him a dalek.

In his notebook (the one with stick-figure zombies by one Aiba Masaki and a rough sketch of what looks like a robot capable of imitating humiliating one-shot gags by one Sakurai Sho), Nino scribbles:

 _Idea: second year assessment design plan: target audience: 258 people and I-sensei._

Not a fanboy. Right, got that.

 **ACT I  
SCENE II**

  
Aiba, being Nino’s filmmaking partner, gets the news first.

(Aiba’d given their duo a name. But. Nino vehemently denies any existence of that sort.)

Nino takes care to mention it extremely casually and tactfully over lunch the next day.

“I looked it up.” He begins, pausing dramatically. “A life-sized Dalek would cost approximately three hundred, eighty-five thousand, two hundred thirty-seven point six-nine-two yen and a life-sized TARDIS a hell load more. There is no way I’m going to pay that much for merchandise. And Sho-chan is going to kill something if I remove his … his project-thing from the coffee table again. So I can’t stor-“

And Aiba, as usual, takes to the idea extremely casually and tactfully as well.

“BRILLIANT!” He exclaims in English, butchering both the word and the British accent quite spectacularly. “When do we start filming! Who are we casting as the Doctor? Can I be the Doctor? Can I write the script! I know this place behind – “

Then he takes a deep breath and asks the most fundamental of all questions. “Do we have enough tea?”

Nino prides himself at finishing his lunch in a calm manner, kind of like a boss.

Aiba scribbles down a grocery list on the back of his _Influences of British Media on the World At Large_ essay draft. It consists very excitingly of _TEA TEA TEA BISCUITS TEA TOAST BEANS MAYBE BUT MAINLY TEA._

 

 **“The hoper of far-flung hopes, and the dreamer of improbable dreams.”**

Most people, when they came to know that Sho is reading his Masters in Civil Engineering had a sort of disbelief cross their eyes. Those people then tried to look impressed and/or passive when Sho knew what they really want to do was splutter “Wha- _why_? _You_?” because Sho looks like a guy made to push paper and balance accounts. He even has a _Cubicle Face,_ for goodness sake.

Most people were not Nino.

Catching up the next morning, Sho told him as much after Nino managed to stop laughing himself off the cafeteria chair.

 **ACT I  
SCENE III**

  
 **SILENCE WILL FALL.**

Sho finds the sign taped to his room door the next morning.

It is printed on the back of page 24 of _Fiery Swords and Slippery Food: An Adventure_ , the one with ACT V where the noble sword-yielding samurai Nobusaki falls (quite literally; he trips over a barrel of fish) while defending the castle.

Sho stares at it for a bit, until his brain recalls images of slimy, twisted faces of aliens and dramatic lighting. And a flying police box. Ah.

“Ah,” He remarks, rather eloquently. He hears frustrated pounding at the piano accented by off-timed, lackluster jabs at the pedal. “Nino.”

More pounding.

Oh god, it is another one of those days. Some days when Nino hits an even bigger block, it gets worse. Considering Sho’s luck in general, it will most definitely get worse.

He needs maybe five hundred cups of coffee.  


 **ACT I  
SCENE IV**

  
Sho tries to get the whole story out of a sulking, frustrated Nino.

It costs him… well, nothing. It has been far easier to talk Nino through his creative blocks since he got into that Police Box Show. It used to cost Sho copious amounts of burgers and the bulk of his allowance. Now, a few cups of tea do the trick.

Nino has his face pressed over half the rim of his mug. His spectacles have misted over with steam, and he has been stubbornly non-forthcoming for the last half an hour.

“Don’t you have toothpicks to play with, Sho-chan.” Nino grumps and puffs unhappily into his third cup of Earl Grey.

“They weren’t _toothpicks_ and that was two weeks ago. I was designing a – “ Sho and his endless patience. Really, why does he bother doing this every time.

“Don’t care.” Nino interrupts, dragging himself sluggishly off his chair with his mug in hand. (It has little Pacman monsters chomping all over it. A gift from Yoko for Nino’s birthday last year. Along with Pacman condoms with a snicker about _the head pacmen must give from that size from those mouths_ , but _that_ was another story entirely.)

“Nino,” Sho sighs, as he watches Nino’s slumped shoulders. “I know it’s just this thing you do when you hit a block. But. You can’t not sleep for an entire night and thump on a piano for hours and hours and expect your next scene to fall from the sky.”

Nino flaps his hand dismissively in Sho’s general direction. But he fails at hiding a little weary grin, his body half-turned on the piano stool.

Sho gulps his coffee. It scalds, but the bitterness grips at his throat pleasantly.

“At the very least, don’t leave your mug on top of the piano.”

“Yes, _Muuuuuum_.” Nino drawls, shifting his mug.

It is Sho’s turn to hide his own grin.

 

 **ACT I  
SCENE V**

  
Aiba is frustratingly brilliant sometimes.

Two hours after Nino emails him SCENE I, his inbox dings a little too cheerily. The email - with SCENE II attached - describes in explicit detail, Aiba’s utmost jubilation (glee, ecstasy, elation, exhilaration and maybe another billion similar emotions) at being able to write an “ACTUAL SCRIPT FOR DOCTOR WHO ISN’T THIS SO EXCITING NINO-CHAN!!!!”

He does not seem to even share any of Nino’s creative impediments. Hell, Aiba is not even a film major; he majors in Psychology, and Film is simply a _minor_.

It makes Nino want to tear his hair out and/or chuck himself out of a travelling TARDIS.

  
 **ACT I  
SCENE VI**

  
Nino gives up on SCENE III just as the sun is about to set. There is no more food in the flat, apart from the enormous amounts of tea and Sho is not home for Nino to trick into paying for his dinner. Thus he is forced to make a trip to the convenience store, leaving the Doctor stuck in an uncomfortable time/space limbo.

The Man With The Aura (Aiba’s nickname) is behind the counter. He unnerves Nino slightly. On the other hand, Aiba has already become best mates with the guy. They even exchanged mail addresses and everything, albeit quite reluctantly on The Man’s part.

“Hello there. Good evening. Welcome.” The Man With The Aura intones dutifully when the door chimes. Nino glances around in a manner he hopes is surreptitious.

Ah, good. The other store clerk is at the burgers section. Aiba used to call him The Man With The Other Sort of Aura, Unlike The First Man With The Aura (Other Aura, in short). Now, it is just ‘Ohno-kun’.

And ‘Oh-chan’ to Nino.

“Oh-chan,” Nino acknowledges, grinning. Ohno does not miss a beat in his burger-stacking rhythm as Nino sidles up to him, hand indulging in its customary Hand-To-Butt greeting.

“Nino,” Ohno replies shortly, letting his now-empty basket dangle in his left hand. He slips Nino a burger, and observes him quietly. (Ohno seems to do everything quietly.) “Scripting?”

Nino grumbles noisily, tossing the burger absently between hands. Then, the automatic doors _ding!_ and The Man drawls, “Hello. Good even - hi, oh! Sho-kun!”

When Nino turns, he is struck with one of his Epiphanies. Bright light, and … an image of Ohno in a tweed jacket, a bowtie and maybe even... a _fez_.

 _Wow_.

Nino barely registers Sho waving over three aisles at him.

“Quick!” He tells Ohno frantically. The image is fading faster than he would like. “Say, ‘Bowties are cool’ like you really mean it!”

Ohno looks rather puzzled. But he does it anyway.

Nino feels like he might have the next Film Renaissance on his hands. _Fan_ tastic!  


 **ACT I  
SCENE VII**

  
With a renewed sense that his new film will Come To Fruition And Eventually Benefit Mankind, Nino soldiers on with his script-writing.

Sho studies him for almost two hours, the steady stream of Nino’s typing having lulled him into a maze of thoughts.

( _Studies_ , in a curious and completely _non_ -perverted manner. Like how Matsumoto gazes at Inoue-chan. Okay, maybe Sho has caught him leering slightly that one time when she helped him with math after class. But Sho reckons that had been more the side effect of over-exposure than Matsumoto being – god forbid – anything less than polite.)

“Don’t you have a more productive way to spend your evening?” Nino asks. He barely glances from his laptop, balanced precariously on the edges of his knobby knees. “Although I _have_ been reliably informed that I am rather aesthetically pleasing.”

Sho chokes on air.

Nino meets Sho’s eyes with a grin. “ _However_ , my handsome features haven’t stopped you finishing your essays before, and while I _am_ flattered -“

Sho makes a little strangled noise at the back of his throat, realization dawning.

“Shit shit _shitshitshit_ -“ he breaks his litany for a wild glance at the wall clock “-shitshitshit-“

“Took you long enough, Sho-chan,” Nino laughs and Sho hears it as he races down the hallway.

Damn, if only he had one of those time-travelling police boxes right now.

 

 **The Filmmaker, The Rapper and The Demented Cabinet**

Nino met Sho nearly four years earlier in high school.

He had been helping out at the Film Club after school. They had had a little studio, with a fancy polished wooden floor and an ordinary metal cabinet where they kept their equipment. (Nino will never forget how utterly nefarious the cupboard had been, seemingly hell-bent on breaking some part of his body. It did though, _eventually_.)

He, wandering from a photo trip one balmy summer’s afternoon, had chanced upon the new breakdancing club (then, numbering at 2). They hadn’t been assigned a practice classroom yet.

Nino watched from a hidden corner, as the members twirled on their hands, like ballerinas upside-down. He hardly recognized either of them. But then one of them started rapping, and Nino was spellbound. His words flowed into each other, each having an edge of its own but fitting seamlessly.

Then. The rapper tried to do a back-flip. To say that it was a terrible back-flip would be an insult. In fact, it was horridly hilarious. The awe that has been growing in Nino deflated immediately.

“What the hell was _that_?” he choked out, stepping into the open. Both faces registered him sharply.

The rapper blinked at him from the ground. “Working on it.” Nino held out a hand to help him up. “Working on anything other than rapping, actually.”

“You’ve got your work cut out for you, that’s for sure,” Nino cocked his head to the side, grinning.

The other boy guffawed. The rapper swiped at him, mock-angrily.

“Sakurai Sho,” he said, shaking Nino’s hand.

“Yokoyama Yu,” the other boy said, beaming as he slung his arm around Nino’s shoulders.

“Sho-chan and Yokocho,” Nino considered. Sho immediately looked scandalized. Yoko just laughed. “Call me Nino.”

And Nino found his best friends.

 

 **“Yeah, well, it's a big club. We should get t-shirts.”**

When Aiba is concerned, Sho is convinced that it would be quite useful to have printed on shirts the words “Demented and Spontaneously Combustible: Do Not Provoke”.

He told Nino this once, after he’d spent his entire weekend making his acting debut as a corpse in Nino and Aiba’s first project together. (Sho had a surprising number of lines, considering his role. But then, considering that it was a zombie film, well.)

Aiba was already sprawled on the mess that was their coffee table.

Nino, drunk on beer, swayed and slurred, “too many words. Wouldn’t fit on shirt.”

Then, he promptly slumped against Sho in dead slumber.

Sho had an oval-ish sort of bruise the next morning; the results of an acutely angled chin digging painfully into an acutely angled shoulder.

 

 **ACT II  
SCENE I**

  
Seven films and two years later, Sho still can’t help feeling a sense of vague distress and foreboding when Aiba includes him in the Email Relay System Of Much Productivity, as he is wont to do sporadically. (The name was, as many names are, born from Aiba. Those names have a tendency to be either extremely melodramatic or simply descriptive, but never particularly useful.)

Sho hauls himself from his boneless heap reluctantly. He is fully (that is to say, very very _veryvery_ ) determined to get himself out of this particular production before all hell breaks lose (as hell is wont to do). He manages to find a thinly distinctive path through mounds strewn all over his room and gets himself into the living room without twisting an ankle.

On his door, Nino has left another two scrawled Doctor Who signs. The first one seems to be an abandoned draft of sorts, depicting a man in a bowtie, posing against a roughly sketched TARDIS. An arrow identifies the man as _OH-CHAN (SWANK IS COOL)_ and two peace signs were scribbled on either side of Ohno’s head. The second sign shows Sho (less of a proper drawing than a stick figure graced with wonderful, almost-vertical shoulders).

And then beside Stick-Sho, there is another Stick-Sho, except with alarmingly red hair. _Long_ , Alarmingly Red Hair.

 _Oh_.

Oh, _bugger_.

Out in the living room, the piano screams. In the kitchen, the kettle screeches.

It is the sound of all hell breaking lose.  


 **ACT II  
INTERLUDE**

  
 **From** : nitrollmiya@neentendo.co.jp  
 **To** : aibayaay@masaki.co.jp

1 Amelia Pond, check!

attached: _shochanfailface-937.jpg_

 

 **From** aibayaay@masaki.co.jp  
 **To** : nitrollmiya@neentendo.co.jp

NINO-CHAN!! Do u thi,k it is possible 2 classically condition DAIGOOOO 2 BURP EVERY TME HE HEARS doctor Who THEMA SONG!!!

 

 **From** : nitrollmiya@neetendo.co.jp  
 **To** : aibayaay@masaki.co.jp

AU phones, now with Goo-goo-ru. Try it.

 

 **ACT II  
SCENE II**

  
During class the next day, Nino predicts an incoming email from Aiba before his phone even registers it.  
This is partly because Aiba starts violently nudging him, pointing very vehemently to Nino’s phone and mouthing the words “I SENT YOU MAIL!!!” and partly because well, Nino always knew he was psychic.

And really, Nino should hardly be surprised by now. The email is full of Aiba’s usual abuse of emoticons and “FOUND ACTORRR!11!1!! MATsujUN V AWESOME”. Attached, a blurred picture of a hand.

Nino quickly replies: “no role for hand. Addams Family =/= Doctor Who” Beside him, Aiba’s phone jingles merrily. An entire sea of faces swerve around to glare at Aiba accusingly for being obvious in something they were all doing.

Even Nino feels slightly unnerved. Aiba freezes for one long moment.

“Sorry,” Nino says loudly, trying to sound at least a little apologetic. “He’s sorry. He’ll turn off his phone next time. Promise.” Beat. “Right, Aiba-chan?”

“Sorry,” Aiba blurts out earnestly. He is suddenly a tap gone off, a bursting pipe, with words like water bursting forth. “Sorry, sorrysorrysorry. I swear I was listening, I just forgot to turn my phone to silent mode. It is silent now! Silent as … silence! Silence is golden! Silence-“

“-will fall.” Nino mutters darkly.

When the rest of the class has turned away, Nino looks up again. Aiba is grinning so brightly that Nino has to chuck his lecture notes at his face to lower its brightness settings.

 

 **ACT II  
SCENE III**

  
Nino makes a prolonged trip to the convenience store after a day of brain-numbing lectures.

It was, for all purposes, meant to be a short trip, but then Ohno seems to have gleaned some realization that he’d been cast as the Doctor in Nino’s film.

In the middle of a conversation, he suddenly starts speaking exactly like a dalek, auto-tuned voice and everything. Nino, struck with an involuntary shudder, almost starts scrambling for his life instinctively.

“Okaasan was telling me about Doctor Who. She was surprised I asked and so, I told her about my role.” He continues, making it the first time in Nino’s life he’s heard a dalek voice sound anything near sincere. “It’s really cool, Nino. Okaasan showed me the bit with the daleks. ”

There is a long moment wherein Nino is lost for words. It is an incredibly rare phenomenon.

“And he’s right,” Ohno continues, in his own voice. He rings Nino’s last purchase up (milk buns).

“About what?” Nino finds his voice. It was lost behind all his mental to-do lists, gaping.

“Bunk beds are cool!” Ohno lets slip a grin that lights up his face. “A bed. With a ladder. You really can't beat that.”

 

 **Rule #027: Never knowingly be serious.**

Sho has always been as crazed as Nino.

Except he is far more adept at hiding it.

Everybody is different, Nino reckons, different strengths and weaknesses, different preferences. (Which explains Nino’s proficiency in hiding his Fails in the eventual times he – wait. Actually, does he even have _Fails_?)

Hence, it also explains, in Sho’s case, his inherent inability to stop failing, or The Universe’s Constant Endeavours to Thwart Every Bitty Thing In Sakurai Sho’s Life.

Nino figures. You win some. You lose some. Other times you lose…more. And those other _other_ times, you lose more and acquire a belly ring in the process.

*

It was simply too much to take in. Not to mention ridiculous; this was ridiculous even after knowing Aiba Masaki for a year.

Nino (no matter how he wanted to be) is not a Time Lord and finding his flatmate naked waist up on the sofa did not help anything at all. Finding his flatmate naked waist up, with his crazed film partner performing psychoanalysis on said flatmate did not, definitely not make _anything_ better.

Oh, and said flatmate seemed to have acquired a belly ring.

Nino had pioneered many things. Now he seemed to have had redefined the ‘bad’ in Having A Bad Day.  
On the bright side, at least ‘performing psychoanalysis’ hadn’t been a euphemism for anything.

 

 **Rule #7: Never Run When You’re Scared.**

Later, Aiba told them brightly that according to Freud, he could now say for sure that Sho’s fear of heights was simply a manifestation of his previously unknown and utterly inappropriate sexual longing for his mother.

Sho started choking violently around his mouthful of curry hamburger _nabe_ (one of Aiba’s more fortunate food experiments). Nino thought he might need a proper psychologist of his own. With luck, maybe he would heal from this scarring in 2 years.

Then, Sho stood up solemnly, lifted his shirt and met Nino’s eyes.

“I was drunk and the guys dared me. It was either this or a rollercoaster ride.”

Nino decided, if he was going to go mad, he was going to take Sho with him.

“Don’t worry, Sho-chan! Girls like bad boys.” Nino grinned predatorily, watching as Sho smiled, unsure. “Oh, but they’d expect bad boys to enjoy rollercoaster rides and riding their motorcycles past the speed limit. Wouldn’t they, Aiba-chan?”

Sho paled.

Aiba was laughing too hard to reply.

  
 **ACT II  
SCENE IV**

  
Sho, being obsessive compulsive as he is, asks to borrow Nino’s Doctor Who boxset a week before filming starts.

“I need to study Amy before next week,” he says, having maybe forgotten to wear a shirt. Nino is convinced Sho is only a prude when it comes to stages of undress beyond missing a shirt. “Even if I didn’t exactly _volunteer_ for this.”

By the time Nino hands it over, he knows exactly what he wants to do. Oh, Sho’s face will be _priceless_.  
On the way home after class, Nino buys a small bottle of glow-in-the-dark paint meant for arts and crafts.

While Sho is reclined into the cushions out in the living, Nino sets up a camera in the corner of the room (at the perfect angle to catch Sho’s expression). Then, he squeezes paint from the bottle into the precise jagged lines of a crack he knows all too well.

Nino goes out, leaving his handiwork to dry and plonks himself beside Sho. They watch three episodes of the fifth season, until Sho decides to call it a night.

Nino waits, listening carefully to Sho’s footsteps receding. The highly undignified shriek that follows is worth every minute of the entire evening and all of the 369 yen Nino spent on the paint.

“Now you can ask Santa to bring you your Raggedy Doctor,” Nino heaves out, doubled up.

He has Sho’s shriek as his ring tone for three weeks after.

 

 **ACT II  
SCENE V**

  
Nino only sets eyes on Aiba’s ‘Matsujun’ on the first day of filming.

“It’s _you_ ,” he starts before he can stop himself.

Matsumoto narrows his eyes.

“Nino! You know Matsujun!” Aiba is almost vibrating with excitement.

“ _Unfortunately_.” Nino nods, and makes a face. “Mister _Goody-Two Shoes. Killjoy. Spoilsport._ ”

Matsumoto scoffs.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Playing the Star Wars Theme over the announcement system was never a good idea. So many things could go wrong. Plus it wouldn’t have frightened _anyone_. ”

Aiba starts looking unsure. Sho to his credit, has wisely decided that the best view was the one from a far corner in the room. Ohno is beside him, eating takeaway ramen while scratching his right calf with his left toes.

“Oh and _you_ would know,” Nino sneers. He is finding it extremely hard to forgive Matsumoto for thwarting his prank two months ago. It was hardly less work to just to walk past someone fiddling with the PA system controls than confronting them and threatening to tell the whole school.

“Well, for starters, the very least you could do was do it through the _ventilation system_. That would have been infinitely more terrifying, I should think,” Matsumoto raises one of his infuriatingly thick eyebrows at Nino.

“Don’t be a prick, Matsumoto,” Nino glares at Matsumoto, filling his slight figure with as much indignation as he can to make up for the height difference. “If you’d wanted to join, you should have just said. Or sent me a feedback form. Or a proposal of some kind.”

Matsumoto stares down at Nino in disbelief. Suddenly, he shoves Nino.

“Don’t be an ass, then.”

“I’m _sorry_ , I can’t help being _this_ charming.”

And then Nino finds himself grinning, chuckling easily. Matsumoto is smiling. It softens his sharp features.

“Matsumoto Jun. Jun-kun’s fine,” he says, without the edge in his voice. Nino shakes his hand.

“Nino.”

Then with a flourish that is melodramatic even for him, “And now I am your director, J! Let’s get filming!”

Jun grimaces. “If you must.”  


 **ACT II  
SCENE VI**

  
Their first scene is in Ohno’s workplace.

“Always start!” Aiba begins when he briefs them. “With the biggest scenes first! First rule of film-making. No, actually, not true.” He shares a grin with Nino.

They are only filming here first because Ohno’s supervisor decided a vacation was in order and the other employee (Ryo) didn’t think it was against any rules for them to be filming in the convenience store. Nino immediately decides that he liked this Ryo guy; he seems to share Nino’s sentiment to treat the world with a ‘oh why the hell not!’ attitude. Also, well. Given the Doctor’s aliens this time, a convenience store _is_ rather fitting.

It is a scene where the TARDIS materializes. Nino and Aiba don’t have a TARDIS, neither do they have any other sort of time machine or anything that makes a sound remotely like one.

Such is budget filming. And so, they decided that since nobody is doing any actual acting in the scene, they’d need all their actors to fling items into the camera’s line of sight. It would do quite well to create the vortex of violent breeze that accompanies a typical TARDIS landing.

Then the problems start arriving, dusting their dirt on Nino and Aiba’s logistical Welcome mat.

Firstly, Sho keeps accidentally throwing things _at_ the camera. Nino has to bellow ‘cut!’ a ridiculous three times. And it is not so much of Sho actually getting it in the end, than Jun tugging him into a better angle from the camera.

Secondly, Aiba ends up playing some stupid game of catch with Ohno, _with_ the things they are flinging around. Okay, right. Nino has to concede that it is rather brilliant with regards to the cleaning up afterwards. But Aiba keeps _yelling_ triumphantly every time Nino thinks he has a take.

Thirdly, when Nino actually, _finally_ has a take, without Aiba’s yelling or Sho’s inaccuracy tendencies, a review shows Ohno’s arm at 00:04, cutting in the top right hand corner of the screen.

“One last take!” Nino calls. He has forgotten how frustrating this is, all this camera angles and lighting. He resists the urge to chuck something of his own at someone’s head. “One last time and Aiba will treat everybody to Pocari Sweat!”

  
 **ACT II  
SCENE VII**

  
“What it this?” Sho cries when they get their scripts for SCENE IV.

The script is littered with various emoticons.

“Oh! I do that when I write the scenes. Sorry sorry, just ignore them!” Aiba waves a hand vaguely. He is setting up the lighting with a sort of ferocity Sho has only seen in mad scientists. (Not that Sho has met any.)

Sho focuses on his script and feels legitimately violated somehow.

The very next time they get their scripts, Sho’s the one who has emoticons accompanying all the lines from both his characters (Amy Pond, and the other a food-hoarding alien).

The emoticons are scribbled in increasingly distressing sizes. It is as if the universe is mocking him.  


 **ACT II  
INTERLUDE**

  
Nino recruits Ohno and Aiba to paint the inside of his bedroom door like the TARDIS’s doors.

Jun and Sho cannot know, so Nino calls Aiba and Ohno over at the first opportunity. (That is, when Sho goes back home for a weekend.)

They spend an entire weekend soaked in sweat, trudging to the roof to feel the autumn breeze on their skin. They have impromptu dance parties, and beer and tea and ramen and passing out on the couch parties.

At the end of it, Nino’s door is so intricately painted (courtesy of Ohno’s hidden artistic talents) that he has to remind himself that he is absolutely not going to find the TARDIS on the other side, no matter how many time he opens it.

Nino is so pleased he treats Aiba and Ohno to _yakiniku_.

 **ACT II  
SCENE IIX**

  
Sho receives a frantic text from Nino just as he is leaving a lecture hall. It consists only of the words “COME QUICK. URGENT!!!”

He finds Jun and Ohno on the doorstep of their flat, wild-eyed.

“Got the text,” Jun informs Sho quickly, leaping to his feet. Ohno nods readily. As soon as Sho unlocks the front door, they burst in and start searching the tiny flat.

There is nothing out the ordinary. Not that Sho expected anything, not with Nino’s room door closed. He takes one deep breath and tries to calm his racing heart.

When they charge into Nino’s room, the first thing that Sho notices is Nino’s shout of “Perfect! That’s a cut!” and then he slowly takes in the camera, the tripod, and Aiba. Beaming.

Jun is already screaming by then, thick eyebrows furiously knotted into each other.

“- you never heard about the boy who cried wolf! I was genuinely worried, idiots! Ohno-kun, did you know about this?”

Ohno nods the same time Nino says in an enigmatic undertone, “Oh-chan _always_ knows.”

“Then how could you – “

“Call it Sacrificing For Your Art,” Nino interrupts smoothly. “Oh, did you notice my bedroom door when you entered?”

“What do you think?” Aiba chimes in eagerly.

Sho is about to tell them _exactly_ what he thinks when Nino announces his decision to treat the Cast and Crew to dinner. Sho’s opening sentence is quickly overwhelmed by Aiba and Ohno cheering.

Jun has a look on his face that says he is resigned to his fate of being surrounded by idiots. Sho recognizes that look. He has one of his own just like that; he uses it frequently.

 

 **ACT III  
SCENE I**

  
Nino should have expected the problems to start popping up, like cracks in bedroom walls.

This time when they do, they come all at once. Oh, how difficult the universe can get when it feels particularly sadistic.

At the beginning of the week they are set to film SCENE XI, Inohara-sensei reminds them all that they only have two weeks left for their films. Nino flounders and fumbles around the university’s website for a full 15 minutes before he realizes his initial time predictions are wholly inaccurate; he doesn’t have three more weeks to complete filming and editing. He only has two.

On Monday evening, Sho tells Nino he didn’t see Ohno at the convenience store. Not that _that_ would be a problem, normally, or on any other day of the week. But Ohno always, _always_ works Mondays. It is a rule of the universe or something. Nino sends maybe eight different emails to Ohno later in the night, makes frantic calls and leaves panicked voice messages. The universe seems hell-bent on breaking its own rules.

They are supposed to film on Tuesday afternoon. Nino, having informed everyone about the impending deadline, sets up the equipment with a grim hope that Ohno will turn up. Jun arrives early and orders everyone to sit down and not panic. He makes juice in the kitchen and even washes up the dirty dishes in their sink.

An hour later and Ohno still hasn't turned up.

Nino sighs heavily and gives in to Aiba’s suggestion to play Monopoly.

Jun leaves, apologizing, promising things he can’t be sure of.

 

 

  
 **ACT III  
SCENE II**

  
Nino has thrown himself on his bed. The skin of his arm is cool against the back of his eyes.

He doesn’t want to think or do anything at all. He just wants to maybe take a long bath and a proper sleep without having nightmares about Sho dressed like Amelia Pond.

And then it happens.

One moment, Nino wants to sink into his bed for the rest of eternity, the next there is a sucking/whirring type of sound resounding around his room. Nino takes some time to register it, and when he looks up, there is a bleeding police box in the middle of the room.

What in the _blazes_ – I must be dead, Nino thinks. I must be dead and now - hey! Maybe being dead isn’t so bad after all.

The TARDIS’s door swings open inwards, Nino notes detachedly.

Must be me malfunctioning, he thinks or maybe my bedroom door has come to life. Then a voice floats out, quick but not stumbling.

“- man. Was quite hesitant, wanted to kill me. Poor bloke. But I said, my dear man, you can’t kill _me_! Bad reputation, I’m not dead and _definitely_ , not a woman. Well, I was mistaken for a stripper once. Burst out a cake. Not a real cake, now that would have been messy. But yes! Ed. Eddie. Nice man, deranged. Wasn’t too bad of a host – here we go! Plainfield, Wisconsin, the US of -“

Nino might have stopped breathing for a whole minute, pressed hard against his bedroom wall to remind himself that- at this point in time, he is not sure what he is meant to remind himself anymore. And then, a head pokes out of the TARDIS-like thing. (Not the TARDIS, just TARDIS-like.)

“Hello!” The Doctor chirps brightly (not the Doctor, Nino has to remind himself. Just a doppelganger, probably a doppelganger.) Another figure brushes past him, all sleekness, sharp cheekbones and long legs. He is in turn, followed by a calmer, more subdued man, dressed comfortably in a jumper. This one looks kinder, Nino thinks with a start.

“Hi –“ Nino manages to croak out, wondering faintly why he is fully able to understand this foreign man. This… Doctor-lookalike.

“ _You’re_ not Ed Gein. You don’t look even half as interesting.” The tall man accuses, eyes narrowed. “This is definitely not _America_. Doctor, do you even _know_ how to steer this thing.”

“ _Sherlock_ ,” The jumper man sighs (there is a sort of warning in his voice). “Hello,” he says in English, and gives Nino a little wave. Then, he says something Nino doesn’t understand.

The Doctor-person has started scanning, whirling around Nino’s tiny bedroom and waving his screwdriver at all the Doctor Who posters on his walls. He turns (whirls, more accurately) towards Nino and his screwdriver makes its sonic sound.

 _This_ might just be the epitome of surreal.

“Oh! You’re human. That’s good, humans are good. Nice and friendly. Sometimes slightly deranged but – oh, sorry! Hi, I’m the Doctor. Not the Doctor of anything. Sometimes, the Doctor of everything-“

“Ni-nino.” Nino stutters. He can hear Sho making his way down the hall calling for Nino. His Amy-heels are making loud _click-clack-y_ sounds against their floor.

The kettle screams in the kitchen. Aiba drops something and curses.

The tall, frankly rather intimidating man (the Sherlock) snorts rudely.

“Ninomiya Kazunari. Second year Film student. Born and raised in Tokyo. Flatmate reading his Masters in Civil Engineering. Has habits of a hermit, would rather spend days at home than go out. Can play the guitar, but doesn’t practise it regularly. With the piano, though, yes. Some kind of a Britophile. More specifically, a fan of yours, Doctor.” The tall man towers over Nino, studying him down his nose as if Nino were a specimen of some kind.

The kind man grins, a little indulgently and nudges at the Sherlock. Sherlock steps back and Nino is able to breathe a little easier. If this is a hallucination of some kind, he’ll do damn well to enjoy it while it lasts.

The kind man says something in English to the Doctor, except it’s too fast for Nino to catch.

“Yes, he’s done it again.” The Doctor laughs. “In Japanese! Sherlock, you’re quite brilliant, aren’t you!”

And Nino’s bedroom door bursts open.

“Nino!” Sho stands, all red wig and body-hugging clothes. It is hard to take him seriously. Well, harder than normal.

Nino laughs, a little hysterically.

“Look, Sho-chan!”

“Hello…” The Doctor frowns and steps up to Sho. “Why are you dressed like this?”

Sho turns bright red. Almost as red as his hair.

“I – “ He stammers, gesturing incoherently. “He – Nino – Nino’s making a Doctor Who film and he made me act as- Are you really the Doctor?“

Sherlock stares at Sho, seemingly takes him apart bit by bit.

“That’s funny. This one is quicker to respond –“

And Aiba bursts in through the open door, one hand still clutching Nino’s Pacman cup.

“Oh!” He exclaims, beaming. “Hello! Hello, this is BRILLIANT!” All in English.

Sherlock and the kind man look rather taken aback.

“I expected this one to be the worst in English.” Sherlock considers Aiba.

“He is! I mean, I am! I just. I just know that phrase that’s all!” Aiba explains in Japanese, grinning terrifying widely. He glances between the Doctor and Sherlock, looking frantic, as if torn between both of them.

The Doctor, unfazed, grabs Aiba’s hand, gives it a shake and kisses the air on both sides of his face enthusiastically. He does the same to Sho and looks increasingly pleased.

Nino feels his wits return slowly. If Aiba and Sho are both experiencing this, then. It must be real, right?

“Yes, I am really, the Doctor! Time Lord, bowtie, tweed jacket, everything! This is Sherlock Holmes and this is John Watson, they’re detectives! Rather brilliant! Did I ever tell you I had friends with the exact same names as you once, lovely people. Very British. Anyway, we were supposed to be heading to USA 1956, promised Sherlock here a serial killer! But probably took a wrong turn and now we’re here! Isn’t it great – you’re fine here right? No nasty things, no monsters. Your closets are fine, right?”

Nino meets Sho and Aiba’s eyes and nods slowly.

“ _Boring_. _Dull_. Banal! Let’s go to 1956 then, _now_.” Sherlock scowls.

“Wait, no, no, no! Don’t go yet!” Nino blurts. Just as he is getting used to a big blue box and three strange men in his room taking up his space, they are leaving? Nino has _dreamed_ of this.

“Why not?” Sherlock glowers with the same illogical intensity of a five-year old.

“Tea!” Aiba bursts out. “Stay for tea, we have tea. It’s good tea. Please stay. It doesn’t matter if you stay. Time can be rewritten!”

John frowns, puzzled.

Sherlock grumbles disgruntledly in English.

John pats Sherlock’s shoulder soothingly, smiles and says something directed at the Doctor.

Sherlock hisses something at John, sounding frustrated. And then at the Doctor, “Tea is boring, we always have tea anyway. I _want_ murders.”

The Doctor is smiling.

“John’s right! Mustn’t be rude. Don’t worry, Sherlock! We’ll stay for tea and get right on our way. Oh right! John, you can’t understand them, they can’t understand you. Give me a moment! Got something in the TARDIS, should probably help –“ The Doctor heads towards Nino’s TARDIS painted room door for a moment before realising his mistake. “Oops, wrong way. Cool door! Very nice, very blue!”

The TARDIS’s door slams behind him and Aiba barrels towards Sherlock. Then Nino realizes. Oh. No wonder he didn’t recognize Sherlock and John! Aiba had asked last week, if he’d wanted to watch, but he had that essay on the French film industry to finish – _damn_.

In the two years Nino’s known Aiba, he has never heard him speak _this_ fast.

John is speaking with Sho, his speech more measured than Sherlock’s. Slow enough for Sho to understand and reply then, Nino thinks. John strikes him as the more patient sort as well.

Aiba has practically thrown himself at Sherlock, and even if John doesn’t keep throwing them incredulous looks, Nino is surprised Sherlock is even responding.

Funny how these things work out.

The Doctor reemerges with a light-looking doughnut tube and sticks it in John’s ear. The tube curves and adjusts itself to fit.

“There we go! Left over from those times I was still learning languages! John! Say something!” The Doctor urges.

“Uhm, Nino, sorry,” John dips his head apologetically.

“What for?”

“The deduction thing. He likes showing off,” John gestures to Sherlock briefly. Sherlock frowns disapprovingly.

“Our Sho-chan likes to do that too, don’t worry,” Nino laughs, light-headed with adrenaline.

“Oi,” Sho retorts, without jibe.

The Doctor claps his hands gleefully.

“TEA!” Aiba practically yells and leads the way down the hallway. Sherlock makes a little noise that sounds equal parts of grudging affection and gruffness.

“Tea!” The Doctor echoes, looking at all of them in turn. Nino catches a brief moment that his expression turns disconcertingly lost, as if his very soul ached for someone (or some people).

 

 **ACT III  
SCENE III**

  
“Sherlock doesn’t exactly like most people,” John tells Nino in an undertone. He is gazing at Aiba and Sherlock openly, _wonderingly_.

“Well,” Nino starts, pride bubbling in his chest as he follows John’s gaze. “Aiba isn’t exactly like most people.”

John laughs. “I can see that! He’s even gotten Sherlock to help make tea. That’s a bloody miracle if I’ve ever seen one.”

  
 **ACT III  
SCENE IV**

  
“I’m making a film about you,” Nino tells the Doctor.

When the Doctor meets Nino’s eyes, he looks like all of the nine hundred years that he is. Incredibly old and infinitely wiser.

“You, Amy and Rory getting trapped in an alien colony.” Nino has always prided himself in being able to read people well. Now, the Doctor’s eyes are the saddest ones he has ever seen. “Nothing out of the ordinary, really.”

The Doctor grins. Life seeps back into his eyes slowly.

“And these aliens,” Nino waits. John and Sho are in a corner, heads bent, having a serious discussion. “Live in houses that are bigger on the inside. So you see, the TARDIS would fit right in.”

Nino glances at the Doctor.

“And they trapped the three of you because Amy stole a sandwich. They are rather peaceable but you see, once you take their food you’re dead. Take their gold, their treasures, all fine. But food, big no.”

When Nino looks up again, the Doctor is grinning.

“You’re a good chap,” he says sincerely, clapping a hand on Nino’s skinny shoulder. “And actually, there _is_ a race like that. Got in trouble with them once, ate some fish. Space fish, they’re famous for it. But after they found I’d eaten some, wow. Lots of fuss! Told them I could get them some more but no. They wanted the ones that I’d eaten. But I told them: a Time Lord’s anatomy doesn’t work like that! And, it’ll be icky. _Ugh_!”

Nino grins.

The day cannot get any better.

 

 **ACT III  
SCENE V**

  
As Sho expected, John is a delight to talk to once they can fluently understand each other. He is kind, weather-beaten and content with just sitting at a table drinking tea and telling Sho about Sherlock and his adventures.

While John is talking Sherlock’s inherent ability to antagonize his kidnappers, Sherlock glances sharply at the both of them from across the table.

“You’re telling it all wrong as usual, John.” He criticizes. But before John can properly reply, Aiba gasps.

“That is so _so_ great! John lets you keep all the chemicals at home?” He cries out in disbelief.

Sherlock looks incredulous for a moment. Then, he frowns.

“I thought you were a psychology major.” Sherlock breathes, almost reverently.

Aiba’s eyes gleam.

“I was banned from the chemistry labs in my first month here, had to switch majors.”

“Explosions?”

Aiba nods glumly. “They weren’t _that_ big! Nobody was ever hurt. There was this once, blue smoke poured out from a beaker! It was incredible!”

“John lets me keep my experiments in the kitchen. Sometimes in the bath, when a fully submerged environment is required and the sink is of insufficient depth – “

“Don’t look so glum, Masaki,” John interrupts. “I make him label all of them properly. So I don’t mistake _human tissue_ for _jam_ again.”

“It wasn’t my fault that you remain as dense as everybody el-“ Sherlock huffs irritably.

“Can I see?” Aiba leans into Sherlock’s personal space, eager. Sherlock inhales (sharp) and pulls away instinctively. “Can I see? Will you let me look at your experiments?”

Sherlock seems unsure. He glances at John, and then back at Aiba again. It reminds Sho of Nino, one day almost four years ago, pricklish and unused to kindness. Maybe unused to kindness from anyone other than John.

“If the Doctor will bring us.” Sherlock exhales, blinks. For once, calm, silent, lost for words.

Aiba leaps off his chair in a flurry of limbs.

Sho turns to John, who looks torn between affection and smugness.

Sherlock takes a sip from his tea (no milk, three sugars) and without looking at them both:

“Oh, _do_ shut up.”

 

 **ACT III  
SCENE VI**

  
It is decided.

To be honest, with a lot of restrained disdain on John and Sherlock’s part (Sherlock provided the disdain and John, the restraint), puzzlement on Sho’s part, overwhelming enthusiasm by both Aiba and the Doctor (except, of course, a lot more whirling and thinking out loud on the Doctor’s part).

“So,” Sho says slowly, struggling to understand. “I will stay here with John, and Nino and Masaki-kun will go on the TARDIS with the Doctor and Sherlock to London?”

“Yes, exactly!” The Doctor grins at all of them in turn, slipping his screwdriver into his jacket pocket. “Shall we go, then!”

John and Sherlock are in a heated conversation, arguing fervently in English.

Nino watches the proceedings with something a little short of shock-induced bemusement. Respect from Sherlock, he is beginning to learn, is hard to come by. Presently, it is given openly to Aiba and John, grudgingly to the Doctor but never to Nino or Sho.

Aiba makes another round, offering to fill mugs with some Earl Grey.

“Have you seen Sherlock’s experiments?” Nino hears him ask the Doctor, bright-eyed.

“I want Matsujun to meet the Doctor,” Nino tells Sho, crossing his legs from where they dangle over the countertop. At Sho’s enquiring gaze, “The contrast between their eyebrows would be _amazing_!”

Sho squints at the Doctor’s face for a moment.

“He doesn’t seem to have any,” he frowns.

“Exactly!”

 

 **ACT III  
SCENE VII**

  
They go on an adventure.

There are four adventurers in the TARDIS today.

The Doctor lets himself stop running, all the universes and their stars and their cities. He watches Sherlock blazing, almost burning with so much life. John, firm, strong, unwavering John.

And then there is Nino. Sharp, all acute angles and when the Doctor looks closer, there is kindness too.

The Doctor thinks about Amy, about Rory. The girl who waited, and her centurion. What a life they must have now, in their own corner of all these universes.

But he catches himself in time, doesn’t let any of his two hearts ache because for today, the TARDIS is no bigger than it should be.

  
 **ACT III  
SCENE VIII**

  
Sherlock does not understand, and he hates it that he does not.

He hates that all his walls (that work on everyone, _everyone_ even John sometimes) does not work on Aiba. He hates that all the emotions that were deleted years ago, now alive for John, have extended their fingers to reach for Aiba too.

He hates that when they land in 221B, he has to keep from dragging Aiba into the kitchen bodily. Not seven years old, Sherlock reminds himself severely. If John were here, Sherlock knows he would be smiling that smile of his. (Oh, how Sherlock hates that he instinctively turns to check if John is behind him.)

Sherlock shows Aiba every experiment in the flat, and all the experiments _not_ in the flat as well. (Mrs Hudson will not be very pleased when she returns from the shops.)

Aiba _isn’t_ bored. (Not that Sherlock thought he would be. Whatever keeps Sherlock entertained couldn’t possibly bore any other person.) He doesn’t pretend to be interested simply out of politeness and expected social protocol. He is not unfazed when Sherlock is rude and cold; only leans closer, beams widely and speaks more cautiously.

Sherlock hates that when he makes Aiba laugh with a thought that slips out unwittingly, he finds himself able to settle for Aiba’s laughter as a substitute for John’s.

 **ACT III  
SCENE IX**

  
This, John decides, is nice.

Nice has been rather underrated in his life lately. Admittedly, running around London’s streets under the cover of night with Sherlock has been extraordinary, but sitting down for tea is nice.

There are not many people in John’s life remotely capable (capable perhaps, but definitely not bothered) to make both small talk and conversation about the more normal things in life (getting the shopping for a lazy flatmate, making the tea, making people talk about things that were bothering them). Sho is good at both, and very pleasant. So John does not mind if their communication is made of hand gestures and Japanese interspersed with English.

Plus both of them are in the same boat, both with affection for the insufferable pricks who are their bloody flatmates.

John, as much as he is a mad locum doctor with a broken shoulder and the need for constant adrenaline rushes, is really also more of the sitting down type.

 

 **ACT III  
SCENE X**

  
“I hope the Doctor doesn’t take a wrong turn again,” John is just saying when there is an abrupt echoing sound, like the rushing of leaves in a huge tunnel.

Sho laughs easily.

“We should exchange email addresses,” he suggests. “Before, you know.”

John nods. “Yeah, before the gits return from their adventures and relaxing becomes dull again.” He shakes Sho’s hand firmly. “It’s been a pleasure.”

Sho could not have put it better himself.

 

 **ACT III  
SCENE XI**

  
Later, after the blue box has disappeared from their living room and Aiba is sprawled inelegantly on his makeshift futon, Sho makes some coffee.

It is quiet in their flat, calm.

“I think I’ve had enough tea today to last a lifetime,” Sho says. They sit in their kitchen, drinking in the peace.

“Did that really happen?” He asks, after some time has passed them by. Nino swings his legs, toes barely skimming the ground.

“Nope. _Definitely_ not.”

There is a moment wherein Nino looks torn between snickering and remaining straight-faced.

“Sho-chan.”

“Hm?”

“You can take your wig and make-up off now. Unless you’re thinking of going down another path entirely, then you must know you have my su - ”

“OH! OH _GOOD_. _LORD_.”

 

 **EPILOGUE  
SCENE I**

  
Nino makes a small change in the script.

Space fish instead of a sandwich. A Time Lord’s anatomy doesn’t work like that; neither does a human’s.

After all, why claim poetic license when one knows history for a fact, as told in the words of a Time Lord?  


 **SCENE IS**

  
Some nights, Nino hears the whirring, like the echoes of leaves rustling in a huge tunnel.

Some nights, he goes back to sleep.

Other nights, he gets out of his warm bed and has jammy dodgers with tea on another planet entirely.

 

 **SCENE II**

  
Two days later, Sho finds an email in his inbox.

There is a link to John’s blog. But he doesn’t need that because John has translated his latest post into Japanese in the email.

(“The Doctor let me keep the translator. Even Google Translate pales in comparison to alien technology. Hard to believe, _I know._ ”)

  
 **SCENE III**

  
Aiba receives an email too. It documents the rate of decomposition of severed fingers submerged in potassium hydroxide in great detail.

“Pick-pocketed you briefly on the TARDIS. Here’s my email address because you’re only human after all. Can’t expect much.”

As a postscript, _write back as soon as possible._

 

 **SCENE IV**

  
This short film, as Nino predicted, is his biggest yet. The sharp spike in his YouTube channel’s viewership never really dips back down, only smoothens out into a plateau.

( _Although_ , he suspects his near perfect coursework grade _might_ be due partly to Inohara-sensei’s role as the lead dalek.)

 

 **End.**

**Author's Note:**

> For mynamelessname in the je_holiday exchange 2011 on lj. HEAPS OF LOVE TO GEE, SHARL, HANNAH AND ERIN FOR HANDHOLDING AND CHEERLEADING AND PUTTING UP WITH MY MADNESS.


End file.
